Saturday, June 7

I´m off for a break - back end July

My daughter wrote on my mother´s day card that my favorite thing is sitting at the computer. It´s not. But with my studies I required a computer. We put it in the kitchen to save on heating costs and make it more accessible. As a result, I find it so cosy to log on at breakfast to read the news, lunch to see who wrote to me, dinner to pay the bills........ The last few weeks my mind has been filled with impossible assignments (gone are my dreams of a 90% average) and next week is my last exam for this semester. But then I have decided to take a break from the computer and give myself back to my girls. Looking at them instead of just talking to them while I am reading something. Go into their cubbyhouses instead of turning around and telling them how lovely it is. To help them make their puzzles rather than telling them to sit next to me and make it themselves. To read to them instead of telling them to read and make up stories with each other. All those things I used to do with my Sweetheart. I feel so guilty that I have so much less time for Herzie. Not just beca├║se I now have 2 children so washing and cleaning has increased, but also now I am working (4 hours a week) and studying that I am not available so much, not just physically but often my head is gone. I justify it by saying that Herzie has all the benefit of the time I spent with Sweetheart when they play together. I try to restrict my study to nighttime when the girls are in bed. But it is the bad habits that have arisen that make me feel guilty. Like this blog, for example. Even though it is of benefit to me, it doesn´t do much for them other than having me whinge less with their father about things that frustrate me. So, I´m going to take a break and spend more time with my girls until Uni starts again (end July). No more news, no more blogs, no more catching up with friends. Nothing. But I will come back with all the stories that have accumulated in my head since then.......

Wednesday, June 4

My creative need - Part 2 Felting

It was four years ago in Nimbin that I discovered felting. In the groovy gallery I brought a felted scarf that I fell in love with. I decided that this was going to be my new career (it was at the stage in my life where I was thinking of what I was going to do after admitting to myself that chances are my German will not be good enough to work as a social worker. Nor did I know if I wanted to. The question, what will I do next?). For the next few months while I was still in Australia, I collected various wools to felt with. I have white and black alpaca wool which I brought in the Salamanda Markets in Hobart. I have some lovely cinnamon coloured wool from the wool shop in Oberon. A devine reddish colour I brought from a farm near Chiltern. I brought books from Weavers and Dying groups. I picked up other books in op shops. I brought it all back with me and put it in a drawer waiting for the perfect moment to try it. I was scared. It was something new and I didn´t know exactly what I was meant to do, let alone finding the time in between looking after the family.

But my girls going away was the impetus to try it for the first time. I collected all my equipment, laid it out and decided on a pattern to Nano felt (felting onto silk). And I did it. I actually felted. And it is so much easier than I thought it would be. Here is my result.......... (a birthday present for my husband) It´s not perfect. But I made it with pride. I don´t know if I have a career as a feltist, but I will definitely be doing it again. My girls want a pink and yellow and blue one for their walls.

Tuesday, June 3

It´s an outspoken thing

I´m an Aries, born in the Year of the Rat, grew up in Australia (when I was in England, it was on the front page that a polititian in Parliament called another 'a bloody drongo' It went on to say that people in Australia called people by their first name, irregardless of who they are. This is not done in other countries. Australia is known as the country where people say what they think). I am destined to say what I think. I hop through life with one foot constantly in my mouth. I am not destined to be a polititian or to escalate to the upper eshalons in management. I can´t play the games required. A spade is a spade and I say so.

But I live in a stoical country. I know very few people who will actually say what they think. No-one here has a problem. People are nice. Very nice. I guess in comparision I´m not. If I have a fight with my husband (which I must admit is not not very often), I tell people that I am frustrated with him. This doesn´t mean that I don´t love or like him, just that I am angry with him. When I have problems with my children or other people, I tell them that. Not that I don´t like them as a person, just that I didn´t like what they said or did. I find that people don´t like this. Particually in this stoical town where I live.

In the whole time I have been living here, I have not heard of any problems. Statistics list domestic violence nationwide in Austria as Western World average of 25%. But there is none in the town where I live. Child abuse doesn´t exist. Social problems and poverty don´t exist. I live in this glorious world where everyone is happy and no-one has problems. I wasted a whole bloody 4 years learning how to be a social worker as I now live somewhere which has no need of anything like this!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I guess you can say I am a bit of a cynic. I don´t believe that anyone can be so happy. I´m certainly not all the time. Does everyone else live a charmed life? I think not. I think it is the lack of communication. I can tell you that I only learnt about my brother in law´s divorce through my cousin who is the sister of his best friend. Communication exists in the background, as in this small town where everyone knows what you are doing, even before you do. But does it make you happy to keep all this saddness inside and pretend that everything is dandy? Again I think not. And I am supported by a SMH article which states that people who keep anger inside can reduce their life span by 5 years.

Hence, for all you people who also have their foot in their mouth the whole time for saying what they think, for all the people who seem to constantly appologise for being misunderstood, for all the people who feel that other people are just not communicating, at least we can be proud in knowing that on one level we will live longer (just need to give up the wine, junk food and other bad things will which kill us sooner!).