Thursday, May 22

Good Aussie Bitch Session

Do you know what I am craving right now? Crave, as in that which kicks your partner out of bed at two in the morning to go to the 7/11 to get chocolate icecream. No, not that one. Go back, I NEED the one with the blue label. NOW!!!!!!! (Unless you are in Austria where the shops are shut at night and on Sundays and you have to prepare for all cravings. Huge shopping trolleys full of all types of icecream, chocolate, biscuits. And you can´t let them go to waste. I put on 18 kilos with my first pregnancy. Not much was lost afterwards. We still had so much in the junk food cupboard). Or Craves that lead you in buying peppermint essence from E-bay in Scotland because you can´t get it here, so you can make mint slices from the recipe you downloaded from the internet which leaves you feeling dissatisfied as they aren´t Arnotts. Real Cravings.

I crave the Aussie Bitch Session. You know the one where you walk into the cafe or slump onto the sofa at the exact angle that everyone knows what is coming. Where you start off with something like:

'I hate...... (my boss, my children, my husband, my life, The Prime Minister, certain policies, Margaret Thatcher, Coles for not having grapes, insert as you wish. I´m not a big obscenity user, but insert if also required).

'They are all (dickheads, assholes, ...................).

At this stage your friends start pushing over the chocolate cake. 'Here, you need this more than me.' 'Get off your fat ass you lazy lump, Ingrid needs the bottle opener (usually directed at partner innocently reading the sports in the corner, wishing he was in the shed).

They know how to respond. 'Yeah, know what you mean'. Yeah Dickheads. We should just march them off a short plank and bury them in the Ocean. You know what is better than one dead Lawyer? No lawyers (I know there is a joke about this somewhere, but can´t remember it so use your imagination to elaborate).'

Give about 10 minutes to get it all off our chest.... Nothing logical said or anything which may make sense to an outsider. Sometimes we may say things that are downright nasty. But we all understand the purpose behind it. We don´t even have to agree with it. It is just off the cuff thoughts and feelings of a moment which twirl around us.

Giggle, giggle. 'Remember when we all rolled down the hill at Parliament House until the security guards caught us? Yeahhhhhhh. Over.

I was a social worker (well before I became a full time mother). I truly believe the positive value of a Bitch Session. I think this is the basis behind group therapy and counselling (and blogs); the idea of getting feelings and thoughts out before they putrify and smother us. It is cathargic. It´s why friends are so important. A bottle of wine helps. This blog is my Bitch Session. Written, Said, Over.

4 comments:

Julie said...

Nothing more healing that a good old bitch session with friends, especially if chocolate cake and wine are involved. Hope that you are feeling better today. Oh and by the way, I love the honest way that you write, a lot of the time you echo my thoughts or feelings on living in a country not your own.....

Melody said...

*yay for you*

Ariane said...

That's what my husband's blog is - 50 Things I Hate. I'm sure he'd love you to join in! :)

mimbles said...

Venting is good for the soul...and the blood pressure ;-)

And Crash has a blog? Why did I not know this?!